Ten years ago at 6 am the phone rang and my brother in law gave me the worst news of my life. My mom suffered a massive heart attack, was in a coma and would probably not live until I got to Charlottesville from Alexandria.
I did make it and sat by her side with my three sisters all day, talking and singing Christmas Carols to her and at 6 pm on December 17, 2001 - my mom left us.
I'm surprised by how my mom's presence is still will me ten years after her death. This morning at 7 am, my sister Mel "butt" called me, waking me up with same sense of dread about an early call.
A few hours later - our Christmas Tree crashed to the ground. A tiny 8 foot thing with six strands of lights and fully decorated. Did I mention the two gallons of water it held? The funny thing is, I wasn't upset about it, but amused. Getting upset wouldn't solve anything - so I had to look at the lighter side of it. I could just hear my mom saying "You just have to laugh at life's mishaps and make the best of it."
Miss you mom. You were the eternal optimist.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Happy Birthday to Me
The present I gave myself this year was a 13.1 sticker on the back of my car and I'm damn proud of it.
I ran the entire way, I didn't even stop for water, I just slowed down enough to drink it while I jogged. I was completely terrified that if I stopped, my legs wouldn't start again. Lots of knee and foot pain, but I kept going. My time was 2:36:04 which I don't think was too darn bad for a first-timer with only four weeks of training.
If only my body wasn't aging faster than my mind - I might do it again.
I ran the entire way, I didn't even stop for water, I just slowed down enough to drink it while I jogged. I was completely terrified that if I stopped, my legs wouldn't start again. Lots of knee and foot pain, but I kept going. My time was 2:36:04 which I don't think was too darn bad for a first-timer with only four weeks of training.
If only my body wasn't aging faster than my mind - I might do it again.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Savannah Rock and Roll Half Marathon
In less than 6 days I will "run" 13.1 miles. I agreed to do this very spur of the moment, to honor the lost life of a friend of a friend. I met Jason Martter only once or twice and have not gotten to know his wife Kirsten very well. But I made a commitment to do this - and I honor my commitments.
This has been a very trying and painful experience. I am not a runner, although I've tried from time to time, but it was just too hard. When I first started training, I had a big scare - complete with shortness of breath and chest pains. After about 6 weeks of doctor appointments, aggressive asthma treatment and a battery of tests - my team of doctors determined that my heart is fine, but I have pretty bad asthma, which I never realized. I lost 7 weeks of training and still was determined to do this.
So four weeks ago, I got serious about training - pushing myself very hard to increase my distance by two miles per week. I have arthritis in my knees and the pain is unbelievable. But I have not stopped. I am only on the fringes of the "running" group and have not been included in the camaraderie they share. I am very slow and I have to walk on occasion. I have trained alone, running with others only three times, I have had to provide my own encouragement despite all of my obstacles. The feeling of being alone on this journey has been the hardest. I have always felt like an outsider and this experience is once again, no different.
I will be in Savannah. I will run to honor someone I didn't really know. But I also run because I can and it will be the last time I run this distance. The training has been brutal. I will earn my 13.1 sticker for the back of my car. And while I know that everyone else training for this has worked hard for their accomplishment - I've worked hard too. Alone. No one gives a shit about that, but me.
This has been a very trying and painful experience. I am not a runner, although I've tried from time to time, but it was just too hard. When I first started training, I had a big scare - complete with shortness of breath and chest pains. After about 6 weeks of doctor appointments, aggressive asthma treatment and a battery of tests - my team of doctors determined that my heart is fine, but I have pretty bad asthma, which I never realized. I lost 7 weeks of training and still was determined to do this.
So four weeks ago, I got serious about training - pushing myself very hard to increase my distance by two miles per week. I have arthritis in my knees and the pain is unbelievable. But I have not stopped. I am only on the fringes of the "running" group and have not been included in the camaraderie they share. I am very slow and I have to walk on occasion. I have trained alone, running with others only three times, I have had to provide my own encouragement despite all of my obstacles. The feeling of being alone on this journey has been the hardest. I have always felt like an outsider and this experience is once again, no different.
I will be in Savannah. I will run to honor someone I didn't really know. But I also run because I can and it will be the last time I run this distance. The training has been brutal. I will earn my 13.1 sticker for the back of my car. And while I know that everyone else training for this has worked hard for their accomplishment - I've worked hard too. Alone. No one gives a shit about that, but me.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I am a shitty friend
So somewhere between kids, my job and hormones - I have neglected some people very dear to me.
First of all I would just like to put it out there that menopause is ridiculously bad. It turns you into a teenager times a million and it makes me one sappy, moody bitch. Just ask my husband. I'll be lucky if I'm still married when I finally emerge from it.
The
I was just interrupted because my son was telling me that his sister hit his bottom with a pillow and it hurt, so he put medicine on it.
With his toothbrush.
As I mentioned above, I have neglected friends because of MY KIDS.
So for the record there are two people that I know I have hurt recently and it hurts me to know this. Julie Cupp and Tanja Dakic Barrett -you both are dear friends and I care for you both very much. When I'm going through difficult times I don't want to burden those that mean so much to me.
First of all I would just like to put it out there that menopause is ridiculously bad. It turns you into a teenager times a million and it makes me one sappy, moody bitch. Just ask my husband. I'll be lucky if I'm still married when I finally emerge from it.
The
I was just interrupted because my son was telling me that his sister hit his bottom with a pillow and it hurt, so he put medicine on it.
With his toothbrush.
As I mentioned above, I have neglected friends because of MY KIDS.
So for the record there are two people that I know I have hurt recently and it hurts me to know this. Julie Cupp and Tanja Dakic Barrett -you both are dear friends and I care for you both very much. When I'm going through difficult times I don't want to burden those that mean so much to me.
Monday, May 30, 2011
How long should it take to make macaroni salad?
In this house, it takes over two hours.
Cook macaroni, chop ingredients. Discover that your Mayo and Miracle Whip expired in 2009. (I clearly don't make mac salad frequently.)
Send husband WITH A LIST to the grocery store. List:
Mayo
Sandwich Spread (It's a southern thing - basically miracle whip with pickles.)
Miracle Whip
He returns with FAT FREE mayo and Sandwich Spread. No Miracle Whip. He's on his way back to the store now for regular mayo and Miracle Whip. (Fat free has high fructose corn syrup, go figure. At least regular mayo has real sugar in it.)
I wonder if I'll get this salad done before we go to the cookout?
Cook macaroni, chop ingredients. Discover that your Mayo and Miracle Whip expired in 2009. (I clearly don't make mac salad frequently.)
Send husband WITH A LIST to the grocery store. List:
Mayo
Sandwich Spread (It's a southern thing - basically miracle whip with pickles.)
Miracle Whip
He returns with FAT FREE mayo and Sandwich Spread. No Miracle Whip. He's on his way back to the store now for regular mayo and Miracle Whip. (Fat free has high fructose corn syrup, go figure. At least regular mayo has real sugar in it.)
I wonder if I'll get this salad done before we go to the cookout?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Musings about life, death and goals.
I am 47. I doubted for many years that I would ever reach this age, perhaps because I had no desire to. My teens were extraordinarily difficult years, and somehow I held on to a will to survive. I don't care to elaborate on it right now. It seems very large to me - but it may be trivial to friends who have been through worse.
At some point I actually started setting goals for myself, believing that I had worth, and became happy about living. I hold on dearly to that optimism to this day and hope that I infect people around me with it.
I have studied the "laws of attraction" and I don't care who thinks it's a bunch of hooey, I am a personal testament to the fact that when you harbor negative thoughts - you draw negative things to you. When you focus on positive things, which is a constant struggle, you draw positive things to you. I believe this with my whole heart. At the very least - I am happy, and I hope that I share my happiness with others. (I am not perfect, my husband will tell you I have more than my share of down moments.)
But even with optimism - you get smacked down.
In the past couple of weeks - two friends of mine have lost people dear to them much too young. One was 44, the brother of a friend who recently lost his job and is struggling to find a way to support his family. Another was 36 and running a triathlon when he died on the course from a blood clot. Both leave behind families with young kids. I join the masses wondering "why them?" There are no answers.
I have goals. Completely random goals. I guess you could call these my "bucket list." I've had some for years, and other adapt to the changes in my life. But here are a few:
- Speak Spanish fluently. To a point where I dream in Spanish. I've wanted this since High School.
- To travel. (This was a goal before I became a meeting planner and I got what I asked for. I'm more specific now like: To travel FOR LEISURE to Italy, Russia, Spain, etc. I'm tired of traveling for work.)
- To run in a 5k. I've had this one for a while and I've tried running off and on for at least 30 years, but it has always been a ridiculously hard thing to do. My legs hurt beyond belief and I can't breathe. Fast forward to last year and surprise! I finally learn that I need orthotics for my crazy high arches, I've been wearing shoes too small, and I have asthma. Why on earth it took me 20 - 30 years to figure this out, I can't explain. But I finally set a goal to run one this Fall and I've started running. I'm up to 2 miles and now it's more the arthritis in my knees slowing me down than anything else. But I got knee braces and I refuse to stop.
But now the ante has been upped. When the triathlete I mentioned above died, a bunch of local Georgia folks have decided to participate in the Savannah Rock and Roll Marathon and Half-marathon in his honor. So I decided - if I can do 3.2 miles, I can do 13.1. Right? RIGHT? Oh shit. I can do this. RIGHT?
I ran almost two miles today. Knees bugging me. But I'm going to do this. Show me some support ok? This is not going to be easy.
At some point I actually started setting goals for myself, believing that I had worth, and became happy about living. I hold on dearly to that optimism to this day and hope that I infect people around me with it.
I have studied the "laws of attraction" and I don't care who thinks it's a bunch of hooey, I am a personal testament to the fact that when you harbor negative thoughts - you draw negative things to you. When you focus on positive things, which is a constant struggle, you draw positive things to you. I believe this with my whole heart. At the very least - I am happy, and I hope that I share my happiness with others. (I am not perfect, my husband will tell you I have more than my share of down moments.)
But even with optimism - you get smacked down.
In the past couple of weeks - two friends of mine have lost people dear to them much too young. One was 44, the brother of a friend who recently lost his job and is struggling to find a way to support his family. Another was 36 and running a triathlon when he died on the course from a blood clot. Both leave behind families with young kids. I join the masses wondering "why them?" There are no answers.
I have goals. Completely random goals. I guess you could call these my "bucket list." I've had some for years, and other adapt to the changes in my life. But here are a few:
- Speak Spanish fluently. To a point where I dream in Spanish. I've wanted this since High School.
- To travel. (This was a goal before I became a meeting planner and I got what I asked for. I'm more specific now like: To travel FOR LEISURE to Italy, Russia, Spain, etc. I'm tired of traveling for work.)
- To run in a 5k. I've had this one for a while and I've tried running off and on for at least 30 years, but it has always been a ridiculously hard thing to do. My legs hurt beyond belief and I can't breathe. Fast forward to last year and surprise! I finally learn that I need orthotics for my crazy high arches, I've been wearing shoes too small, and I have asthma. Why on earth it took me 20 - 30 years to figure this out, I can't explain. But I finally set a goal to run one this Fall and I've started running. I'm up to 2 miles and now it's more the arthritis in my knees slowing me down than anything else. But I got knee braces and I refuse to stop.
But now the ante has been upped. When the triathlete I mentioned above died, a bunch of local Georgia folks have decided to participate in the Savannah Rock and Roll Marathon and Half-marathon in his honor. So I decided - if I can do 3.2 miles, I can do 13.1. Right? RIGHT? Oh shit. I can do this. RIGHT?
I ran almost two miles today. Knees bugging me. But I'm going to do this. Show me some support ok? This is not going to be easy.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
This. That. The Other
I am on a quest for cookie nirvana. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I'm tired of preservative-laden, high-fructose corn syrup crap that my kids have been eating, so I've been on a baking kick. Tonight I made oatmeal chocolate chip . . . without a recipe. They are in the oven, I'll let you know how they turn out.
So far the oatmeal raisin cookies I have made have been ok, but I haven't quite hit the right mark yet.
Now for my rant. Last week returning from a trip to Virginia, I was on a very packed flight. I was lucky enough to be seated near the front of the economy section - one row back from the bulkhead. I boarded early, thanks to my "status" with Delta. (Along with the 176 other people with "status.") As I was settled and doing my normal people watching as everyone boarded. I made note of a gentleman seated across the aisle in the bulkhead. He was bumbling around trying to get settled, dropping things, bumping into people, horribly disorganized. I chuckled to myself and noted, "Hey, he kinda looks like George Allen."
As I was disembarking, he was bumbling around to gather his things and although the bulkhead had already emptied, he wasn't quite together, but had readied himself by the time I reached his row, so I kindly allowed him out. As he turned, I saw his ticket stub and whaddya know. It was George Allen.
Now I had met Mr. Allen many years ago when I was in the Charlottesville - Albemarle Jaycees and he was also a member, because it looked good on a political resume. He came to one meeting, where I did engage in some conversation with him. I formed an opinion of him at that time that was something to this effect:
- Completely centered on his own agenda for attending the meeting: to be seen.
- Didn't have many firm opinions of his own, was wishy washy.
- Bumbling idiot.
When he ran for governor, my opinion was signed, sealed and delivered. He was ineffective and completely a puppet of the party. Biggest mistake: supporting Disney to bring a "history" park to an already historical area, waaaaayyy too close to one of them the most congested and growing metropolitan areas, where I happened to be living. What on earth was he thinking? (And shame on you Disney.)
Seeing him on the flight, once again confirmed my opinion. He was very nice, but he's still an idiot. I know there are family members of mine that like him - but have you ever talked to the man? Seriously.
The cookies are ok. Of course, they might be better if I didn't try to eat them straight out of the oven. (Which sent me running for water since I burned my tongue.) I still prefer raisin over chocolate chip.
So far the oatmeal raisin cookies I have made have been ok, but I haven't quite hit the right mark yet.
Now for my rant. Last week returning from a trip to Virginia, I was on a very packed flight. I was lucky enough to be seated near the front of the economy section - one row back from the bulkhead. I boarded early, thanks to my "status" with Delta. (Along with the 176 other people with "status.") As I was settled and doing my normal people watching as everyone boarded. I made note of a gentleman seated across the aisle in the bulkhead. He was bumbling around trying to get settled, dropping things, bumping into people, horribly disorganized. I chuckled to myself and noted, "Hey, he kinda looks like George Allen."
As I was disembarking, he was bumbling around to gather his things and although the bulkhead had already emptied, he wasn't quite together, but had readied himself by the time I reached his row, so I kindly allowed him out. As he turned, I saw his ticket stub and whaddya know. It was George Allen.
Now I had met Mr. Allen many years ago when I was in the Charlottesville - Albemarle Jaycees and he was also a member, because it looked good on a political resume. He came to one meeting, where I did engage in some conversation with him. I formed an opinion of him at that time that was something to this effect:
- Completely centered on his own agenda for attending the meeting: to be seen.
- Didn't have many firm opinions of his own, was wishy washy.
- Bumbling idiot.
When he ran for governor, my opinion was signed, sealed and delivered. He was ineffective and completely a puppet of the party. Biggest mistake: supporting Disney to bring a "history" park to an already historical area, waaaaayyy too close to one of them the most congested and growing metropolitan areas, where I happened to be living. What on earth was he thinking? (And shame on you Disney.)
Seeing him on the flight, once again confirmed my opinion. He was very nice, but he's still an idiot. I know there are family members of mine that like him - but have you ever talked to the man? Seriously.
The cookies are ok. Of course, they might be better if I didn't try to eat them straight out of the oven. (Which sent me running for water since I burned my tongue.) I still prefer raisin over chocolate chip.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Boo-yah
Oh well, it's back to the fields in the summer for my kids. Cobb County School Board approved changing the calendar back to a mid-August start date.
While I appreciate that there are many people upset by this reversion because they had already planned vacations during the breaks for 2011 - 2012 school year, I would like to kindly remind them that there were those of us that got screwed when they changed the calendar in the first place. There are claims that they weren't heard - but once again I remind them that the prior school board had overwhelming public support to KEEP the existing calendar and voted to change it anyway.
It doesn't matter what calendar is decided upon, there will always be a group of grumblers not happy with it. The public survey was to allow residents to have input on the decision, but it was not a "vote." Over 82,000 responses were collected, but when the duplications and district (school employee etc) votes were stripped out, there were in reality only 15,712 respondents. Clearly there are some district employees with a vested interest in keeping the balanced calendar and they tried to stack the survey results.
The bottom line is that the new School Board representatives were elected based on their campaigns to revert the calendar and this is how the public had their voice heard -- electing representatives that will support their views. I campaigned strongly to replace the School Board, as did many other Cobb County residents. At least these representatives stood by their word and their campaign promises, which I consider honorable.
While I appreciate that there are many people upset by this reversion because they had already planned vacations during the breaks for 2011 - 2012 school year, I would like to kindly remind them that there were those of us that got screwed when they changed the calendar in the first place. There are claims that they weren't heard - but once again I remind them that the prior school board had overwhelming public support to KEEP the existing calendar and voted to change it anyway.
It doesn't matter what calendar is decided upon, there will always be a group of grumblers not happy with it. The public survey was to allow residents to have input on the decision, but it was not a "vote." Over 82,000 responses were collected, but when the duplications and district (school employee etc) votes were stripped out, there were in reality only 15,712 respondents. Clearly there are some district employees with a vested interest in keeping the balanced calendar and they tried to stack the survey results.
The bottom line is that the new School Board representatives were elected based on their campaigns to revert the calendar and this is how the public had their voice heard -- electing representatives that will support their views. I campaigned strongly to replace the School Board, as did many other Cobb County residents. At least these representatives stood by their word and their campaign promises, which I consider honorable.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Baggage
We all have baggage.
I just chose to check mine to my final destination instead of carrying it with me.
I've been too busy to post - something about taking on new job responsibilities and I haven't passed on any of the old ones. What is that saying about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I don't really care about being stronger right now, but having more money would sweeten the deal.
I just chose to check mine to my final destination instead of carrying it with me.
I've been too busy to post - something about taking on new job responsibilities and I haven't passed on any of the old ones. What is that saying about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I don't really care about being stronger right now, but having more money would sweeten the deal.
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