How long should it take to make macaroni salad?

In this house, it takes over two hours.

Cook macaroni, chop ingredients. Discover that your Mayo and Miracle Whip expired in 2009. (I clearly don't make mac salad frequently.)

Send husband WITH A LIST to the grocery store. List:

Mayo
Sandwich Spread (It's a southern thing - basically miracle whip with pickles.)
Miracle Whip

He returns with FAT FREE mayo and Sandwich Spread. No Miracle Whip. He's on his way back to the store now for regular mayo and Miracle Whip. (Fat free has high fructose corn syrup, go figure. At least regular mayo has real sugar in it.)

I wonder if I'll get this salad done before we go to the cookout?

Musings about life, death and goals.

I am 47. I doubted for many years that I would ever reach this age, perhaps because I had no desire to. My teens were extraordinarily difficult years, and somehow I held on to a will to survive. I don't care to elaborate on it right now. It seems very large to me - but it may be trivial to friends who have been through worse.

At some point I actually started setting goals for myself, believing that I had worth, and became happy about living. I hold on dearly to that optimism to this day and hope that I infect people around me with it.

I have studied the "laws of attraction" and I don't care who thinks it's a bunch of hooey, I am a personal testament to the fact that when you harbor negative thoughts - you draw negative things to you. When you focus on positive things, which is a constant struggle, you draw positive things to you. I believe this with my whole heart. At the very least - I am happy, and I hope that I share my happiness with others. (I am not perfect, my husband will tell you I have more than my share of down moments.)

But even with optimism - you get smacked down.

In the past couple of weeks - two friends of mine have lost people dear to them much too young. One was 44, the brother of a friend who recently lost his job and is struggling to find a way to support his family. Another was 36 and running a triathlon when he died on the course from a blood clot. Both leave behind families with young kids. I join the masses wondering "why them?" There are no answers.

I have goals. Completely random goals. I guess you could call these my "bucket list." I've had some for years, and other adapt to the changes in my life. But here are a few:

- Speak Spanish fluently. To a point where I dream in Spanish. I've wanted this since High School.

- To travel. (This was a goal before I became a meeting planner and I got what I asked for. I'm more specific now like: To travel FOR LEISURE to Italy, Russia, Spain, etc. I'm tired of traveling for work.)

- To run in a 5k. I've had this one for a while and I've tried running off and on for at least 30 years, but it has always been a ridiculously hard thing to do. My legs hurt beyond belief and I can't breathe. Fast forward to last year and surprise! I finally learn that I need orthotics for my crazy high arches, I've been wearing shoes too small, and I have asthma. Why on earth it took me 20 - 30 years to figure this out, I can't explain. But I finally set a goal to run one this Fall and I've started running. I'm up to 2 miles and now it's more the arthritis in my knees slowing me down than anything else. But I got knee braces and I refuse to stop.

But now the ante has been upped. When the triathlete I mentioned above died, a bunch of local Georgia folks have decided to participate in the Savannah Rock and Roll Marathon and Half-marathon in his honor. So I decided - if I can do 3.2 miles, I can do 13.1. Right? RIGHT? Oh shit. I can do this. RIGHT?

I ran almost two miles today. Knees bugging me. But I'm going to do this. Show me some support ok? This is not going to be easy.