Paranoia

Good grief.

Let's get something straight. The current legislative activity for "gun control" is about seeking background checks for the private sale of firearms. It is NOT about taking away your 2nd amendment right to own a gun.

If you are opposed to a background check for purchasing a firearm, I ask WHY? Can you please give me an unemotional, reasonable explanation as to WHY background checks are unreasonable?

I understand that it possibly wouldn't have stopped any of the current media highlighted crimes. But why is making them a bit more difficult to obtain a problem? I'm a sane citizen with no criminal history and I can legally obtain as many firearms as I choose, and I'm not opposed to waiting a few days or having a background check run. Please do. I have nothing to hide.

No one is coming into your home to take your guns. If you purchase them legally, and clearly have a legal right to own one, why would you be concerned?

If you post crap on your Facebook page propagating misconceptions about gun laws, I think you are misinformed, uneducated and quite simply, stupid and paranoid.

It's not personal

I often wonder if my friends and family take it personally when I "disappear" for days, weeks, and months at a time. Not "disappear" in the sense of going into hiding - but in the sense of being so absorbed with other things that they are neglected. For any of you reading this who feel that I ignore you - it's not personal and I do care about you, or you wouldn't be my friend. 

I am a lousy time manager and I don't know how to keep contact in place when my daily life is so busy and chaotic. Between working full-time, my two kids with their upkeep and activities, my husband (who travels frequently - limiting my time with him and putting more of the household and kid upkeep on me), and trying to balance time for myself, I fail miserably at keeping in touch with friends. I don't do it on purpose. 

So there are times when I find myself incredibly lonely, despite having many friends, simply because they have filled their lives with other people and activities too. I wish I knew how to be a better friend. I miss you all and you are all very important to me. Yes, I'm talking to YOU. 


 

Drama Mama

I have always tried to stay away from drama queens. I think they are drawn to me because I'm empathetic, but they are draining.

But it dawned on me today (only took 48 years):

Oh God, am I a drama queen?

Musings of a nomad.

It's no mystery to anyone that has known me more than five years, that I have moved. A lot. I can't recall the last count but it was somewhere around 15 times in 10 years. Some of it had to do with separating from my first husband and going through the divorce process. (Which was a difficult time of reinvention for me, trying to really figure out who I was, where I belonged, my core values, etc.) Some of it was hoping to find that perfect balance of home, community, self, and family.

For the past four years, we've stayed put in the same house. It's been a good feeling with the stability for my kids and trying to connect with a community. The unfortunate thing is that this community has never felt quite right. We never seem to fit in and there was always the missing link of family. It's hard when the only time we see family is when we make annual treks to Virginia and Oklahoma. It uses up all of our vacation time visiting with family.

We've tried very hard to make good friends here and have had limited success. The challenge is that Nate and I are best with a small core group of good friends. We don't do well in large social circles that keep us busy every night juggling between all the invites and being social butterflies. So we've tried identifying people that we enjoy being around and merging into their busy lives. The challenge is that we always find people that are the social butterflies and don't have the time to involve us. We've had dozens of dinner parties that have never been reciprocated. This has hurt our kids the most - they are unfortunately like us. All they want are a few really good friends that are there for them. They've been hurt by the lack of community here. Perhaps its the neighborhood - not enough kids for them to bond with. (And I'd like to say here that we have one family of very good friends in this neighborhood that I know would do anything for us. And I think the world of them - they are some of the best people I have ever met in my life and without them, life would have been unbearable in Marietta. They are dear, dear people.)

It's no surprise to anyone that knows me well that Georgia's political temperature and mine don't mesh. And that the school systems drive me nutty. We were lucky to land in a good elementary school, but when I compare Georgia standards to Virginia's - Holy Moly, our kids don't have a chance.

I'm sure you all know where I'm going at this point. We're done. We've had enough of Marietta Georgia and are returning to Virginia. We might not ever find the community that we hope to, but at least we're never more than two hours drive to people that love us and accept us for all of our quirks. 

It makes me sad. There are people that I genuinely like here that I never got to see enough of. But busy lives and some distance have kept us from bonding more. I'll keep in touch with the ones that really mean something to me. I'm sorry that the number is very small. For the most part once we've left - it will be out of sight, out of mind. Their lives won't change a bit. We're the ones taking the scars with us. 

Moving is not enjoyable and I know that we have become quite the butt of many jokes. Yes, we are moving again and it will require at least another move, since we have to rent for a year or two. But this time we finally know what we are looking for instead of what we don't want. We are focusing on schools, community and family. The house is secondary. It's a shell that you fill with home.

When people have asked me where I'm from, I've always said "Virginia, but I live in Georgia now." It's where I belong and I'm sorry that it took me so long and so many moves to realize it. I know it won't be easy coming back and that there will be some rough spots until we get familiar with each other again. But I've missed you.   

Virginia, I'm coming home. Save me some of your beautiful sunsets, your sweet wine, and your eclectic nutty people that understand me so well.

 

Gay Marriage

Warning: This is a full-on rant and if you are offended, don't read it.

Today President Obama publicly stated his support for Gay Marriage. Today Facebook lit up with people shouting "hurray" and "sinners." And it pissed me off. A good friend of mine posted the news article and in response one of her friends (that I am not linked to) posted:

"Homosexual marriage is hypocrisy and a slap in God's face. He CLEARLY intended marriage to be between a man and a woman. If you're living a lifestyle that God forbids, why would you want to participate in a religious ritual that he established? *Disclaimer: I'm not homophobic,and as a minority I'm against any and all forms of discrimination. You CAN disagree with a lifestyle/religion and not hate the individuals who practice them."

There is no reference in the Bible at all to marriage ONLY being between a man and a woman. There are multiple references to marriage complying with MAN'S established laws. There are references to the words "husband" and "wife." But there are also multiple references to that men can have as many wives as they want. So take your hypocrisy and shove it up your ass. Taking God's word and contorting it to suit your own objectives is WRONG.

Today legal marriage is more about the government rights it gives couples, seeing partners as official spouses for insurance, benefits, death, medical, etc. It's about the public commitment you make to someone you love and plan to support through good and bad for the rest of your life. I'm much more concerned with the divorce rate in the world today, rather than who can marry who. 

If you love someone and are committed to them - you should have the right to make them your spouse. If you make that decision without a true commitment in your heart, to God, to the government, whatever, you are a hypocrite. And yes, I'm calling myself a hypocrite. I knew my first marriage was doomed before I said "I do" because I wasn't willing to commit myself to it.

So all you religious zealots out there get off of your high horses and go back and read your Bible with open eyes instead of regurgitating the pablum you've been spoon fed by organized religion to suit personal agendas. You clearly are seeking someone to condemn so you can feel better about yourself. The Bible is a historical reference and while it may contain "Gods Word" it was written by mere mortal men who influenced it with their own thoughts and feelings.

So what IS it like to be Vegan?

For anyone that has known me for any length of time, you know that I went through a vegetarian phase that lasted in total about three years, over a five year period. (If you can figure that out, I'll give you a penny.)

It means that I wasn't a hard core veg and fell off the wagon on occasion. Especially considering how much I travel. Thirteen years ago, try ordering a vegetarian meal in Omaha, NE. I got a plain iceberg lettuce salad at every meal. EVEN breakfast. Seriously.

I've been teetering on the brink of going back to mostly veg, but here's the challenge: I love food. I love the taste of meat and I love to cook. So why on God's green earth would I do this?

I've watched a few movies lately: Vegucated and Food, Inc. and I'm so seriously grossed out by how animals have been industrialized and are processed on assembly (dis-assembly) lines. I can't bear it any more and have decided to go VEGAN. Not just vegetarian (I was octo-lacto before.), but VEGAN. Which means no dairy, no eggs. I guess I consider it an experiment. I'm not sure how long I can go. Veronica challenged me to do it for a year. I'm on day four and already really struggling. I MISS CHEESE. More than anything else. I MISS CHEESE.

I've actually gained two pounds because I'm eating more carbs. (I make home made Vegan bread that is awesome.) Sigh. I miss cheese.

But seriously, processed food already grossed me out, how our society is fed such garbage and accepts it as nutritious food. Filled with preservatives, sugar and unnatural ingredients. This is just taking it further - I have a choice not to eat meat that is raised just for the purpose of feeding the masses and mistreated in the process. The weird part is cooking meat for the family, and making my meal separately.

Ten Year Anniversary

Ten years ago at 6 am the phone rang and my brother in law gave me the worst news of my life. My mom suffered a massive heart attack, was in a coma and would probably not live until I got to Charlottesville from Alexandria.

I did make it and sat by her side with my three sisters all day, talking and singing Christmas Carols to her and at 6 pm on December 17, 2001 - my mom left us.

I'm surprised by how my mom's presence is still will me ten years after her death. This morning at 7 am, my sister Mel "butt" called me, waking me up with same sense of dread about an early call.

A few hours later - our Christmas Tree crashed to the ground. A tiny 8 foot thing with six strands of lights and fully decorated. Did I mention the two gallons of water it held? The funny thing is, I wasn't upset about it, but amused. Getting upset wouldn't solve anything - so I had to look at the lighter side of it. I could just hear my mom saying "You just have to laugh at life's mishaps and make the best of it."

Miss you mom. You were the eternal optimist.

Happy Birthday to Me

The present I gave myself this year was a 13.1 sticker on the back of my car and I'm damn proud of it.

I ran the entire way, I didn't even stop for water, I just slowed down enough to drink it while I jogged. I was completely terrified that if I stopped, my legs wouldn't start again. Lots of knee and foot pain, but I kept going. My time was 2:36:04 which I don't think was too darn bad for a first-timer with only four weeks of training.

If only my body wasn't aging faster than my mind - I might do it again.

Savannah Rock and Roll Half Marathon

In less than 6 days I will "run" 13.1 miles. I agreed to do this very spur of the moment, to honor the lost life of a friend of a friend. I met Jason Martter only once or twice and have not gotten to know his wife Kirsten very well. But I made a commitment to do this - and I honor my commitments.

This has been a very trying and painful experience. I am not a runner, although I've tried from time to time, but it was just too hard. When I first started training, I had a big scare - complete with shortness of breath and chest pains. After about 6 weeks of doctor appointments, aggressive asthma treatment and a battery of tests - my team of doctors determined that my heart is fine, but I have pretty bad asthma, which I never realized. I lost 7 weeks of training and still was determined to do this.

So four weeks ago, I got serious about training - pushing myself very hard to increase my distance by two miles per week. I have arthritis in my knees and the pain is unbelievable. But I have not stopped. I am only on the fringes of the "running" group and have not been included in the camaraderie they share. I am very slow and I have to walk on occasion. I have trained alone, running with others only three times, I have had to provide my own encouragement despite all of my obstacles. The feeling of being alone on this journey has been the hardest. I have always felt like an outsider and this experience is once again, no different.

I will be in Savannah. I will run to honor someone I didn't really know. But I also run because I can and it will be the last time I run this distance. The training has been brutal. I will earn my 13.1 sticker for the back of my car. And while I know that everyone else training for this has worked hard for their accomplishment - I've worked hard too. Alone. No one gives a shit about that, but me.

I am ready for the spotlight.

I am ready.

I can win the lottery now and handle the fame.

Bring it.

I am a shitty friend

So somewhere between kids, my job and hormones - I have neglected some people very dear to me.

First of all I would just like to put it out there that menopause is ridiculously bad. It turns you into a teenager times a million and it makes me one sappy, moody bitch. Just ask my husband. I'll be lucky if I'm still married when I finally emerge from it.

The

I was just interrupted because my son was telling me that his sister hit his bottom with a pillow and it hurt, so he put medicine on it.

With his toothbrush.

As I mentioned above, I have neglected friends because of MY KIDS.

So for the record there are two people that I know I have hurt recently and it hurts me to know this. Julie Cupp and Tanja Dakic Barrett -you both are dear friends and I care for you both very much. When I'm going through difficult times I don't want to burden those that mean so much to me.

How long should it take to make macaroni salad?

In this house, it takes over two hours.

Cook macaroni, chop ingredients. Discover that your Mayo and Miracle Whip expired in 2009. (I clearly don't make mac salad frequently.)

Send husband WITH A LIST to the grocery store. List:

Mayo
Sandwich Spread (It's a southern thing - basically miracle whip with pickles.)
Miracle Whip

He returns with FAT FREE mayo and Sandwich Spread. No Miracle Whip. He's on his way back to the store now for regular mayo and Miracle Whip. (Fat free has high fructose corn syrup, go figure. At least regular mayo has real sugar in it.)

I wonder if I'll get this salad done before we go to the cookout?

Musings about life, death and goals.

I am 47. I doubted for many years that I would ever reach this age, perhaps because I had no desire to. My teens were extraordinarily difficult years, and somehow I held on to a will to survive. I don't care to elaborate on it right now. It seems very large to me - but it may be trivial to friends who have been through worse.

At some point I actually started setting goals for myself, believing that I had worth, and became happy about living. I hold on dearly to that optimism to this day and hope that I infect people around me with it.

I have studied the "laws of attraction" and I don't care who thinks it's a bunch of hooey, I am a personal testament to the fact that when you harbor negative thoughts - you draw negative things to you. When you focus on positive things, which is a constant struggle, you draw positive things to you. I believe this with my whole heart. At the very least - I am happy, and I hope that I share my happiness with others. (I am not perfect, my husband will tell you I have more than my share of down moments.)

But even with optimism - you get smacked down.

In the past couple of weeks - two friends of mine have lost people dear to them much too young. One was 44, the brother of a friend who recently lost his job and is struggling to find a way to support his family. Another was 36 and running a triathlon when he died on the course from a blood clot. Both leave behind families with young kids. I join the masses wondering "why them?" There are no answers.

I have goals. Completely random goals. I guess you could call these my "bucket list." I've had some for years, and other adapt to the changes in my life. But here are a few:

- Speak Spanish fluently. To a point where I dream in Spanish. I've wanted this since High School.

- To travel. (This was a goal before I became a meeting planner and I got what I asked for. I'm more specific now like: To travel FOR LEISURE to Italy, Russia, Spain, etc. I'm tired of traveling for work.)

- To run in a 5k. I've had this one for a while and I've tried running off and on for at least 30 years, but it has always been a ridiculously hard thing to do. My legs hurt beyond belief and I can't breathe. Fast forward to last year and surprise! I finally learn that I need orthotics for my crazy high arches, I've been wearing shoes too small, and I have asthma. Why on earth it took me 20 - 30 years to figure this out, I can't explain. But I finally set a goal to run one this Fall and I've started running. I'm up to 2 miles and now it's more the arthritis in my knees slowing me down than anything else. But I got knee braces and I refuse to stop.

But now the ante has been upped. When the triathlete I mentioned above died, a bunch of local Georgia folks have decided to participate in the Savannah Rock and Roll Marathon and Half-marathon in his honor. So I decided - if I can do 3.2 miles, I can do 13.1. Right? RIGHT? Oh shit. I can do this. RIGHT?

I ran almost two miles today. Knees bugging me. But I'm going to do this. Show me some support ok? This is not going to be easy.

This. That. The Other

I am on a quest for cookie nirvana. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I'm tired of preservative-laden, high-fructose corn syrup crap that my kids have been eating, so I've been on a baking kick. Tonight I made oatmeal chocolate chip . . . without a recipe. They are in the oven, I'll let you know how they turn out.

So far the oatmeal raisin cookies I have made have been ok, but I haven't quite hit the right mark yet.

Now for my rant. Last week returning from a trip to Virginia, I was on a very packed flight. I was lucky enough to be seated near the front of the economy section - one row back from the bulkhead. I boarded early, thanks to my "status" with Delta. (Along with the 176 other people with "status.") As I was settled and doing my normal people watching as everyone boarded. I made note of a gentleman seated across the aisle in the bulkhead. He was bumbling around trying to get settled, dropping things, bumping into people, horribly disorganized. I chuckled to myself and noted, "Hey, he kinda looks like George Allen."

As I was disembarking, he was bumbling around to gather his things and although the bulkhead had already emptied, he wasn't quite together, but had readied himself by the time I reached his row, so I kindly allowed him out. As he turned, I saw his ticket stub and whaddya know. It was George Allen.

Now I had met Mr. Allen many years ago when I was in the Charlottesville - Albemarle Jaycees and he was also a member, because it looked good on a political resume. He came to one meeting, where I did engage in some conversation with him. I formed an opinion of him at that time that was something to this effect:
- Completely centered on his own agenda for attending the meeting: to be seen.
- Didn't have many firm opinions of his own, was wishy washy.
- Bumbling idiot.

When he ran for governor, my opinion was signed, sealed and delivered. He was ineffective and completely a puppet of the party. Biggest mistake: supporting Disney to bring a "history" park to an already historical area, waaaaayyy too close to one of them the most congested and growing metropolitan areas, where I happened to be living. What on earth was he thinking? (And shame on you Disney.)

Seeing him on the flight, once again confirmed my opinion. He was very nice, but he's still an idiot. I know there are family members of mine that like him - but have you ever talked to the man? Seriously.

The cookies are ok. Of course, they might be better if I didn't try to eat them straight out of the oven. (Which sent me running for water since I burned my tongue.) I still prefer raisin over chocolate chip.

Boo-yah

Oh well, it's back to the fields in the summer for my kids. Cobb County School Board approved changing the calendar back to a mid-August start date.

While I appreciate that there are many people upset by this reversion because they had already planned vacations during the breaks for 2011 - 2012 school year, I would like to kindly remind them that there were those of us that got screwed when they changed the calendar in the first place. There are claims that they weren't heard - but once again I remind them that the prior school board had overwhelming public support to KEEP the existing calendar and voted to change it anyway.

It doesn't matter what calendar is decided upon, there will always be a group of grumblers not happy with it. The public survey was to allow residents to have input on the decision, but it was not a "vote." Over 82,000 responses were collected, but when the duplications and district (school employee etc) votes were stripped out, there were in reality only 15,712 respondents. Clearly there are some district employees with a vested interest in keeping the balanced calendar and they tried to stack the survey results.

The bottom line is that the new School Board representatives were elected based on their campaigns to revert the calendar and this is how the public had their voice heard -- electing representatives that will support their views. I campaigned strongly to replace the School Board, as did many other Cobb County residents. At least these representatives stood by their word and their campaign promises, which I consider honorable.

Baggage

We all have baggage.
I just chose to check mine to my final destination instead of carrying it with me.

I've been too busy to post - something about taking on new job responsibilities and I haven't passed on any of the old ones. What is that saying about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I don't really care about being stronger right now, but having more money would sweeten the deal.

November 30, 2010

We went to see "The Nutcracker" this past weekend and once again I have incredible fodder for a good rant.

Going to see any performing arts used to be something special that people would get dressed up for. I don't get dressed to the nines, but I still make an effort. I wouldn't consider wearing jeans to a performance. So my first rant is about how sloppy people will dress in public. Do they not care about how they look? Make an effort to look a little nice people. If you don't want to dress up, then stick to watching your ballet/opera/theater/etc. on television, because I don't want to look at your sloppiness. On some level, I think it's rude to the musician/performers/dancers, because it means that you are simply there to entertain yourself and not appreciate them. You should have an outwardly appearance that shows that the event is something special - worth putting effort into looking nice to see.

Now about your behavior while you're there . . .

First rule - people going out have the right of way over people coming in. This applies to exterior doors and when you are entering the theater itself. So if you are going in and people are coming out, let them pass, step aside, hold the door, whatever but don't push past them, bump into them or worse - treat them like they're being rude! It's you.

Second rule - if the people in front of you are stopped to allow someone to leave, get past, etc. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE AND PUSH PAST ME. Can you tell someone struck a nerve here? I was waiting for an elderly woman to come out of the theater and some snotty and sloppily dressed young woman pushed past me to go in and nearly knocked the other woman down.

If you are in a small space waiting, make sure you're not blocking exits or routes of egress. Good grief, find another space to stand instead of in front of the door/bathroom/exit/etc.

What ever happened to basic good manners?

November 17, 2010

I absolutely, positively despise cleaning up vomit. It's all I can do to not add to it.

The stomach virus has hit our house.

November 10, 2010

I am a very lucky person, in very many ways. When I randomly pick up lottery scratch tickets, I'll generally win back my money. I rarely have an occasion that I don't win a little something. (I'm still waiting on the big win.)

It astonishes me that my husband can buy a handful of lottery scratch tickets and not win a single thing. Not even a free ticket. He likes to say that he used up all of his good luck when he married me. (Collective "awwww.")

November 9, 2010 - Birthday Musing

So if you dream about eating a huge Costco cake directly from the box, is that a bad way to start your Birthday?

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee.

Bonus Birthday musings . . .

It's amazing to me how much more productive I feel when my office is clean.

Bonus Birthday rant . . .

Someone has slipped up in the yard maintenance arena. I had the pleasure of picking up a weeks worth of dog poo today. Thanks honey!